There’s finally peace and quiet in the house. I put baby girl down for a nap and I can finally enjoy some “me” time. No cooking, no cleaning, no doing laundry, just relaxing and watching an episode of the Real Housewives.
Earlier, I was playing with Natalia and for a second I wanted to freeze a moment where she gives me this angelic smile. These are the moments I want to cherish because months ago I couldn’t say to her “I love you”.
When Natalia was born, it was difficult for me to connect with her, I would hold her and I would feel amazed that I was able to push out an almost nine-pound baby. I remember thinking “Wow my body did this!”, however, it was difficult to put to words the feelings I had about her. This made me feel as if something was wrong with me and questioned myself, am in this can’t believe it phase and eventually feel love for my child?
On social media, I would see a post from pregnant moms saying “I love you even though you are not born yet”. This made me feel so GUILTY.
As the months past, I felt like it was more of a job to take care of my child than it being a rewarding experience. I’m a very attentive mother but the word LOVE didn’t roll out of my lips easily. Jesse on the other hand always had a strong connection with her from the beginning. Sometimes I would feel left out but in general, I always felt very happy that he had established a father-daughter relationship.
In my case it just took time. Day after day I watched her grow, we got to know each other, I got the opportunity to witness her monthly milestones. My heart grew and grew like that scene from the movie “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” except for the Grinch part. Ha-Ha! but you get it.
It just took me time to get to the place where I am now to finally say I love you the day Natalia turn 5 months. Yes, it took me months but that never meant that I didn’t care for her. Every time she cried I was there consoling her, I would check on her to make sure she was still breathing, made sure she doesn’t miss her bath days. I may not have said it for those first months but I showed her how much I cared because I’m her Mother.
Thank you for listening! Until next time.
Do you relate to my story in any way? Let me know in the comment section.